So this entire week I've been in a funk. Just generally depressed. Letting my mind get carried away with itself and allowing my imagination get the better of me. Because of this fact I have been a complete asshat to my family. My husband has been super patient with me, though, amazingly enough. My kids have pretty much stayed out of my way (besides the peanut.... he's just like 'maybe if I whine a whole bunch Mom will feel better?').
So after work yesterday my husband decides we should go to the mall to have our baby's picture taken. We are sorely overdue. He hasn't had one since he was 1 month old and he is now 10 months old (tomorrow). So we pack up the whole fam damily and head over to the mall. Cranktacular me and all my glory.
At this point I have very carefully eaten a mere 256 calories all day. And I felt like I ate a lot, too! I made myself a breakfast of 1/4 cup better 'n eggs, chopped mushrooms all scrambled together with a Tablespoon of shredded reduced fat chedder cheese with two sliced light wheat toast and exactly 5 sprays of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter on each slice. Completed with my usual cup of coffee. And for lunch I had a Healthy Choice soup bowl which filled me to the brim. For a snack? Sliced cucmber with SuperHummus.
Now... I felt satisfied. But I had a feeling that the husband would recommend us going out for dinner after the photo shoot. I became anxious about it. Wondering what I could order that wouldn't send me over my calories and tip the scale. And of course being at the mall smelling the food there gave me mixed feelings. Part of me was like "OHMYGODTHATSMELLSFREAKINDELICIOUS!" and the other part of me was like "It never tastes as good as it smells and it's not healthy and a waste of calories. Drink your water and be done with it."
The husband had made several comments during the afternoon/evening that drove me close to tears. And I couldn't tell if I was just being too sensitive or if he was genuinely being a poophead. So I clammed up.
As we walked around the husband decided to stop in to Gloria Jeans for a Sleigh Ride Chiller. I never really drink a lot of those anyway. It's too sugary and often upsets my stomach so I decided to just sip off of his. Glad I did as a small one clocks in at around 390 calories!! We walked around the disney store and I apologized for my recent mood swings. I offered that maybe it was my lack of food that was causing me to be such jerk. He agreed and said that's probably it and kissed me and said "it's okay. I'm still here." We laughed and things seemed to pick up a bit. As the evening came to a close we decided to go home and order pizza. One or two slices wouldn't kill me.
On our way home he was texting and making calls about work which bothered me a bit but I let it go. We get home and I start to ask him where he wants to order pizza from. He basically gives me the "I don't care" response and keeps walking. As I'm ordering online I give him the price total and he is like "how much is chinese? About the same?" So the kids get all excited... asking to order from our new favorite chinese place. I grab their menu and we total it up and it's a bit more but worth it, we decide.
I basically start internally freaking the hell out because I don't know what I can order. I decide on the chicken chow mein dinner. It comes with fried rice and two appetizer choices. So I pick an egg roll and wontons. Both super duper deep fried things. Oy. I ate maybe a cup of chow mein, two bites of fried rice, half an egg roll and two wontons. I felt like I was going to EXPLODE. My stomach revolted against me the rest of the night. I thought there was an alien ready to jump out of my stomach and start singing and dancing "hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my rag-time gal!"
And I slept horribly.
Woke up, stepped on the scale with my eyes closed. I didn't gain a single OUNCE. Hooray! But I doubt I will ever order chinese again because I think my stomach has gotten so used to eating better that it's like "um, NO."
What I learned yesterday: it's all in moderation. I shouldn't starve myself towards my goal weight. I simply need to make sure I meet my calorie goal and get excerise in at some point.
I've got to stop taking this all so seriously and lighten up a bit. I'll be a much happier and healthier person ALL AROUND once I remember to do that.
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